It's Been 13 Years Since She Said "I Will"

Marriage Memories and Observations

Happy Anniversary to me! I remember that day well..May 21st 1994. Actually my father sort of picked the date. Shelli and I had just moved in together at the time and my dad said "well, are you getting married?" We said emphatically "Yes!" He said "when?" And wes aid "this spring".

We were getting some heartburn from Shelli's mom and dad who did NOT want us living together before we got married. Looking back on that now, and being a parent and a Christ Follower…and a LOT smarter…I would have felt the exact same way. I didn't understand what a "God-Centered Marriage" looked like back then. (Craig Groeschel has agreat sermon on this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7nWyzs67I0 )

We had every reason in the book to live together first. Although we never went into our relationship, much less marriage being able to even pronounce the "D" word. That's what we called divorce, even back then. It was the worst swear word that could be uttered. Dad said "well, why don't you tell Shelli's folks that it's the third weekend in May. At least then you have a date and it's official".

The 21st of May was SOOOO hot in 1994. It was the hottest day of the year at the time, and yes, even in northern Michigan a church without air conditioning can reach well over 90 degrees. It was uncharacteristically warm that day and I felt it. Add a beautiful long white dress, a black tuxedo and a candle on every pew (and there was also a lit candle IN the decorative fans that the 6 bridesmaidswere carrying) and you can only imagine the heat. (I would have been sweating if it would have been 30 below though!) 3 hours before the5:30 time, I was with my best friend Dennis at his house getting ready. He had to stop by the salon where Shelli was getting her hair done to drop something off, and came out of the hair salon grinning ear to ear. He said "ummm…Jay, Shelli looks GOOD! REALLY GOOD!"

We had lots of friends and family attend the wedding and reception, live music from family members. What sticks out in my mind other than how striking Shelli looked, is Shelli's grandfather Henry reading 1 Corinthians 13:4 4"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." Then, Henry stopped, looked at Shelli and I and said "I am giving you this bible. I want you to read it EVERY DAY. This is my gift to you and if you do that one simple thing, you will have a great marriage". That comment didn't make much of an impact on me at the time.

Henry was one of the strongest (literally and figuratively) men I have ever met. He had a love for God and his family. Even after his wife got diabetes and lost a leg and part of her mind during her last few years, he went to the facility where she lived EVERY day for lunch and prayer. There's a whole book to be written about Henry. Henry was very frugal and had plenty of money. I now understand that frugality and the abundance of money are not diametric opposites, but interlinked. It was that frugality that compelled him to take the roses off of his wife's casket and hand them to the daughters and granddaughters that were at Grandma's funeral, before they lowered the casket in the ground…"It just didn't make any sense to bury those roses, I just bought them!!" he said.

I remember another time with Henry; I was helping Shelli's sister's husband sand drywall on a ceiling with an electric sander. We were on a ladder and my arms were killing me. "Fatiguing". Henry told meto get off the ladder, and he finished the job…he was 76 at the time!

It only took me about 10 years after Shelli and I got married toactually listen to the words in the passage that Henry read…and about 11 years of marriage to start REALLY applying them. A year or so ago, I remember saying to Shelli, "wow, you have been so much more submissive lately." Her response was "well, you've been a much better leader". It's amazing what happens when you start walking together in a God-Centered relationship. We have been through some tough stuff since we said "I Will". Sickness, money trouble, past hurts resurfacing, frustration, addiction and many other cracks and bends. Our marriage is stronger now, and I love my wife more today than ever before. Knowing what I know now, I would have done 2 things differently: 1) Get to know Jesus sooner, and 2) Applied the passage that Henry read on May 21, 1994 sooner.

Happy Anniversary Shelli! I'm looking forward to the next 13 years!

Jason